


Go Fuck Yourself

by conceptofzero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-24 16:08:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptofzero/pseuds/conceptofzero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slick should know better than to investigate weird noises. Especially if they're happening in the Felt mansion while he's trying his best to break in, steal their heist plans, and get back out before one of those freaks catches him in the act. But when he hears Snowman moaning through the walls, his curiosity gets the better of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go Fuck Yourself

Slick should know better than to investigate weird noises. Especially if they're happening in the Felt mansion while he's trying his best to break in, steal their heist plans, and get back out before one of those freaks catches him in the act.

But while he's grabbing blueprints off of Crowbar's desk and stuffing them into his War Chest, he hears something through the walls. Slick freezes. The Felt's supposed to be downtown right now, robbing one of the banks. There shouldn't be anybody home, except maybe that creepy cueball.

Slick carefully approaches the wall, pressing his ear up against it. The sound comes again. It's a woman's voice, a distinctly familiar woman's voice, making a noise that's downright lewd. Holy shit. Snowman's brought a guy back while the rest of the Felt's busy.

He grins. Slick can't help it. He reaches for his pistol and lets himself out of Crowbar's room, careful not to make a sound. Slick takes a few steps down the hall until he's in front of Snowman's door, and he settles his free hand on the doorknob, keeping his gun out and ready. As soon as he gets that door open, he's going to draw a bead on the bastard she's fucking and blow his brains out.

It's not that Slick's got anything personal against whoever she's fucking. But he's made it an unofficial policy of killing her boyfriends any chance he gets. It's just his little way of reminding her that he's still here, and still dedicated to making sure she spends the rest of her very long life alone. The guy must be new to town, since most other men got Slick's message by the third dead body.

Slick turns the doorknob slowly, a bit shocked to find it unlocked. Snowman must be slipping. He counts to three and swings the door open silently, bringing his gun up and aiming it at the bodies on the bed. There's Snowman and there's-

Snowman?

The gun drops out of surprise. There's Snowman lying on the bed, thighs spread and moaning loudly. And there's Snowman, with her face pressed up against the other's cunt, legs hanging off the end of the bed. Slick just stares, not entirely sure how he should be reacting to this strange turn of events. Two Snowman. Or Snowmen?

Snowman, the one moaning up a storm, raises her head up and looks at him. She's got a hand on the back of her double's head, and it tightens as she speaks. "Slick, I don't care if you come in or get out, but close the damn door already."

There's a muffled sound from the other one, and a bolt of lust goes straight through Slick like lightening out of the blue sky. He waffles a moment longer, trying to convince himself that he should just step back and shut the damn door, while the rest of him is screaming at Slick to step in because if he misses out on even the slightest chance of having a threesome with Snowman, then he will hate himself forever.

His dick wins, easily overruling any attempts at talking himself into leaving. Slick steps into the room and shuts the door behind him, leaning against it as he watches Snowman literately fuck herself. The one doing the heavy lifting isn't paying any attention to him, her face still buried in her double's cunt. He can't see exactly what she's doing, but it's not hard to tell from the bright red flush on the other Snowman's cheeks, and the sweat dripping down her carapace, or the way her breasts are heaving so fucking perfectly with exertion.

Slick moves forward one step at a time, waiting for the moment they tell him to get the fuck out. But the Snowman sitting up on the bed just gives him a lazy, dazed smile, and then her eyes roll back in her head and she shudders as she comes, clearly not for the first time. She cries out, her hands wrapped tight in the sheets, and Slick gets hard just watching her get off.

Snowman finally pulls her face out of the other one's cunt and she turns to look at Slick, giving him a sly sort of smile, "What's wrong? This can't be the first time you've walked in on somebody masturbating."

"There usually ain't so many people involved in that," He manages to say, though he can't manage to meet her face. His eyes are glued on her breasts and how perfect they are, and those lovely nipples just begging to be pinched and bitten. Snowman reaches out, grabbing onto Slick and tugging him over.

"Only because people can't do what I can," Snowman lying the bed speaks, voice still breathless, while the other one pushes Slick's jacket off his shoulders, "We both know there isn't a man alive who hasn't tried to suck his own dick."

"That should be almost possible for you considering how short you are," Snowman in front of him says, unbuttoning his shirt. His eyes finally slide off of her perky breasts and up to her face, and he loses his breath looking at the glossy sheen surrounding her mouth. Snowman catches him looking and licks her lips, pressing one hand against his crotch and squeezing. Slick moans, hips jerking into her hand, "Well now. You want to watch a little before joining in?"

"You're fucking crazy," Slick says, because he's not sure what else there is to say. She finishes getting his shirt off and tosses it on the floor with his jacket, and Slick finally does something and unbuckles his pants. Snowman slips a hand inside, eyes lightening up as she wraps it around his dick.

"No, I'm fucking myself. And maybe you," The one lying down, second-Snowman his mind dubs her, looks like she's run a marathon. How long have they been doing this? Long enough at any rate. Her thighs are wide open, and they're even wetter than the first-Snowman's face. He can smell her from here, that dark musky scent that's going straight to his cock. Slick's hips jerk into her fist, "Go on, get his pants off."

First-Snowman gives the second-Snowman a look and works Slick's pants off, pushing him onto the bed. They look at him with expressions he can't quite place and it's hard not to squirm. One Snowman is often bad enough, but two is something altogether different. Doesn't help that they're both naked and smell like they've been fucking for hours. His cock throbs a little at just the thought of them taking turns going down on each other.

"What now?" First-Snowman asks idly, then seems to catch herself, "Rhetorical. Don't tell me."

"I wouldn't think of ruining any surprises," The second assures the first, and when they grin at each other, Slick suddenly becomes terrified for his dick.

They both slide down until they're level with his cock, both of them looking at it with a critical eye. Slick barely keeps from reacting when they look up at him. Instead, he settles on gesturing to his cock, seeing if maybe for once, this will all work out. The Snowmen cast glances at each other, and then back up at Slick, before leaning in. His cock twitches as both bring their mouths in close and lick the side of his shaft, and Slick can't help himself, reaching out and settling his hands on their heads, "Fuck, yes, that's fucking good-"

"Look how excited he is? You know Slick, you're almost tolerable when you're actually enjoying yourself instead of just scowling," The second-Snowman says, and slips her mouth over his cock, giving it a single long suck before pulling off and letting the other one do the same. Slick rubs his fingers over the top of their heads, just watching them trade off. He can't believe that actually worked, or that this is really happening. Slick's never had two women go down on him at the same time, and it's fucking amazing. Though maybe it doesn't count if they're the same woman. He doesn't give a fuck about the logistics, just that he's getting his dick sucked by two mouths. Second-Snowman pulls off of his cock, and while the other Snowman sucks on him, she teases Slick, "Though we could fix that with a gag..."

"Mmm-" The first one hums around his cock, and when she pulls her mouth off, there's a string of spit suspended between them for a second or so, right until she licks her lips and breaks it, "He'd like that. Wouldn't you Slick? You want us to gag you?"

Slick pulls them back towards his dick, "How about your gag yourselves?" He suggests and they both laugh, and it's meant to be mocking but he doesn't take it badly, not when he's just had his dick her mouth – her mouths? – and he's about to have them repeat that performance.

"Well if you insist," They grin again and bend back towards his cock. This time though, it's more than just switching off. What one does, the other mimics, and it's clear that he's just a pawn in their own narcissistic little game. Slick really can't give too many fucks about that, not when it's paying out in his favour. The first runs her tongue over his ridges and swipes the head of his cock, the second does the same, only adding a little more suction, and again, the first repeats and adds a little bobbing. He watches, grinning as they suck him off.

They start to kiss each other around his dick, sliding their mouths up and down his shaft and pressing their lips together. Slick tries to push them into going back to sucking on him, but they ignore him, easily shaking off his hands. The first-Snowman completely slides her mouth above his cock and kisses the other, completely forgetting about Slick. As great as it is to watch them make out, his dick protests at the lack of attention, "Will you fucking stop it already? My dick's getting mixed signals."

"He's so whiny," Second-Snowman rolls her eyes, giving his dick a flick with her fingers. Slick hisses and they ignore him. "Well, do you want him?"

"If you'll let me? Oh good, I haven't gotten off yet," First-Snowman says, pushing Slick into the middle of the bed. He ends up right beside the second one, and before he can do a damn thing, she holds him down while the first one crawls up and just slides herself onto his cock. They both groan at the same time, Slick overwhelmed by the sudden shocking heat of her cunt and how fucking wet she is, like she's the one who's had someone going down on her for hours instead of the other way around, "Aaah! That's just what I needed."

"Isn't it? It's such a relief after waiting for so long," The second-Snowman laughs, her head so close against Slick's as the first begins to rock her hips. Her breasts start to sway and Slick reaches out to put his hands them, but the second Snowman grabs them, holding them down, "Not yet. You need to be useful first before you get anything else."

"You bitch!" Slick snarls, but then the first Snowman grinds down on him and his mouth drops open, "Fuck!"

"I always forget how much I enjoy a nice stiff cock," Snowman tells the one lying on the bed, steadily fucking herself on him. It's pretty clear that they don't really care about how Slick's feeling about this, not when they're treating him as little more than a particularly loud aid, but that doesn't mean he's not enjoying this. He can still see and feel after all, and he's busy committing to memory how it looks and feels to have your ex-Queen ride you like a mechanical bull.

"It's certainly hard to remember when we don't need one," The second Snowman presses her mouth against Slick's ear, speaking in a low tone, "I haven't seen much point in them since I began to build stable time-loops."

"And since you keep killing anyone else I even look at," Snowman's breasts keep moving in the most distracting manner and he can barely tear his eyes off of them. She notices and brings her hands up to them, squeezing them, and Slick watches as she tweaks her own nipples, soft little sounds crawling out of her throat with each pinch, "Like this Slick? Was this what you were going to do?"

"Fuck," He'll never get this out of his head. This is going to be image number one whenever he lays a hand on his cock from now on: Snowman skewered on his cock, feeling herself up. His hands twitch, wanting so badly to reach up and grab, but Snowman – the other one – keeps them pinned. Slick manages to spit out an answer for her, since that's all he can really do at the moment, "I'd use a bit more teeth."

"Oh, allow me," The second Snowman brings her head away from Slick's and tilts hers up, and Slick's mouth drops as he watches Snowman suck on her own breasts. The first Snowman, the one currently riding him, moans with surprise and goes still. Slick makes it only a few seconds before trying his best to jerk his hips up into her, trying to get the rhythm going again. That's enough to get both Snowmen looking at him again, "Slick, really."

"You're so impatient," But it pays off because the Snowman on his dick starts moving again, rolling her hips. Her cheeks are getting red from the effort, and there's a smirk on her face as she glances at her double, "I think we need to give you something else to do."

The 'something else' becomes clear as the second Snowman raises herself up on her knees, and carefully settles herself on top of Slick's face, facing the other Snowman. Slick has time for a, "Hey!" before he's quickly muffled by her cunt. He squirms with annoyance at first, right until she grinds down, and then all he can taste and smell is her. This is nothing like what he thought he'd be doing when he forced that door open. She's wet, and Slick shouldn't, but he can't resist when she's right above him. He slides his tongue over her cunt's lips, giving it a taste.

She finally lets go of his hands, and they quickly slide up, grasping first onto her hips to shove her into a better position for him, and then to her cunt, slipping in and holding her lips open. Slick's tongue seeks out her clit, knowing the moment he's near it from the way her body shivers with delight. The other Snowman riding his cock grinds down as a reward and he shivers too, wanting nothing so badly as to hold Snowman down and fuck her senseless.

He can't see, not when Snowman's sitting on his face, but he can hear them, and it's all too easy for his mind to fill in the details of the wet sounds they're making. Slick flicks his tongue over her clit and imagines them kissing one another, doing their best to climb into each other's mouths. He wants to see, but he also wants to be here, trapped underneath both of them. His cock keeps rocking in deep and deeper as she grinds down against him, "Aaah, do that again," She says, and Slick tries to see around Snowman to figure out exactly what's happening. He can't see or feel anything though, except for their cunts.

"Starting to figure it out?" One of them asks, and he can't tell which from down here. He's not really sure it matters. The other laughs, or maybe the same one, who the fuck knows, they're identical without any cues. He just licks faster, and listens to the moans from above him. It's strange, but there's something else here, something that tastes just a little familiar. It's just strange enough to be frustrating, and he abandons her clit, trying to find the source of it.

Snowman doesn't appreciate it because she forces all her weight on him, and suddenly he can't breathe. He digs his fingers into her thighs, trying to force her up, but she won't move. It's only when he opens his mouth in desperation, about ready to bite her, when she lets up, forcibly guiding him back to her clit. He lets his fingers dig in deeper but she doesn't seem to mind.

"Give him a little more time," The other's voice is high and breathless. She must be the one on his dick, and her hips speed up as if she's heard what he's thinking, "I was down there for a long time. I didn't leave much left over for him. Oh that's good-"

"There's just enough - mmm - left," And Slick feels knuckles brushing against his dick, pressing against the other Snowman's clit. She whines, her cunt starting to tighten around him. Snowman's going to come on him, and he brings one of his hands down, sliding them into the Snowman sitting on top of him. It's an awkward angle but he manages to make it work. He thrusts them steadily into her, matching them with the rhythm he and the other Snowman already have going. And there's that taste again-

Slick's eyes widen as he figures it out: it's cum. He's tasting his own cum, even though it's the other one sitting on his cock, even though he hasn't even come yet. Which Snowman is which becomes incredibly clear now that he's figured out exactly what's going on. His fingers tighten and they laugh above him, "There we are," Snowman-from-the-future says, and they both grind down on him at the same moment. Slick growls, but he's too focused on how fucking close he is instead, and that he's about to come inside of Snowman.

Snowman-from-the-past cries out, slamming her hips down on his cock, and she seizes around him as she comes. It's too much for him to take, and he follows her, hips weakly thrusting up against hers as he comes inside of her. He can taste himself in the future-Snowman and he muffles his grunts against her thighs. Slick's dazed and he feels like most of his brains have gone out of his dick, but he still manages to thrust his fingers into future-Snowman, forcing her to join them. Her cunt doesn't clench in the same way, weak from however many orgasm she's had between the one on his dick, and now, but she still comes, gasping.

They both sag down against him, and Slick starts having trouble breathing. He squirms underneath them and pinches any flesh he can get a hold of until the Snowmen finally move. They flop against each other, back against the wall and Slick stays where he is on the bed, glancing over at them. Shoulder to shoulder, it becomes clear that they're identical in every single away, except for maybe how tired one is compared to the other.

"Be you soon," The one says, pressing a quick kiss against her double's cheek, and flashing Slick a sly grin before fading out and, presumably becoming the Snowman left behind. Snowman, the only Snowman now, glances down at Slick with half-lid eyes, and gives him a sly little grin.

"You're fucking crazy," Slick says, struggling to sit up on his elbows. He touches his mouth, fingers coming away wet. Snowman just grins at him, sitting up and sliding to the edge of the bed. She lights a cigarette and then grabs his jacket off the floor, pulling out his deck of cards, "Hey!"

"Don't get in a twist Slick," She opens his War Chest up and takes out the blueprints, slapping his hands away when he tries to grab them, "You're not leaving with these."

"Those are mine, I fucking took them fair and square!" Slick makes another swipe for them, but she just grabs him by the neck and pushes him back onto her bed, "You-"

"You just had a threesome that you didn't deserve. Don't press your luck," Snowman drops the deck of cards back onto his jacket and grabs her 8-ball off of her bedside table, dropping the Vanity Terror on the floor and putting the blueprints inside of it. Before he can even react and grab them out of the vanity, she's got her inventory back in her hands again, holding the ball where he can't get at it, "They'll be back in five minutes."

"Who'll be fucking ba- FUCK!" The answer is all too obvious. Slick scrambles out of bed, grabbing onto his clothes and yanking them on. It's not so easy when his legs just want to give out and force him to lay down, but he manages to get mostly dressed. Slick crams his cards into his jacket, pointing a finger at Snowman, "This isn't fucking over! I'll be back!"

"I'm counting on that," She smiles at him, lounging on the bed, "Bye Slick."

"Fuck you!" He yells back and heads out of the room. Out of spite, he leaves the door open, hoping somehow that those trail-finding fucks will be able to look into her room and will leave him the fuck alone. This hope more or less ends when one of those aforementioned trail-finding fucks comes across his trail, and Slick slams his leg into their invisible outstretched ones and slams face-first into the porch.

Slick yanks himself off the ground and glances around. He could yell, but those assholes won't hear him anyway, so he throws up his middle fingers in either direction. Snowman's light is still on. He gives her one last thought before running for the getaway van, starting it up and heading the hell away from the Felt Mansion, already planning his next attempt.


End file.
